A friend once said to me “If you want to solve a problem, create a bigger problem.” I think I’m running out of bigger problems.

After my mother died last November, I came to a very bad place. There were a number of issues involved. For one, while I knew she was ill, her death was still a shock. I had not heard much about her condition from anyone or my half-sister Christa about how she had been doing. I knew she was in an assisted living facility that was apparently far from where Christa lived as she didn’t seem to go visit her very often.

In fact, Christa has never called me after my mother died. I heard about the news and what details I could from my aunt, my mother’s sister. I was never asked anything about the arrangements of her funeral or how anything would be handled. I wasn’t even asked if I wanted to go to the funeral. I was never told what happened to any of my mother’s belongings or anything she left behind. The last time I talked to my aunt was last December and I haven’t heard from anyone since.

While I’m no stranger to the death of someone close to me, this was different since 1) it was my mother and 2) I’ve had to go through this grieving and handling it on my own without any support from anyone else. Frankly, I didn’t handle it very well. I entered into a deep depression and things got pretty bad for me. I tried drowning my feelings in alcohol and my apartment went horribly downhill with trash collecting and clothes unwashed. My only activities became taking Polly on her walks every day but other than that, I became essentially a hermit from the world.

Soon after, I became very ill and frankly I thought my end was imminent and it was hard to muster much energy or will to combat it. I started suffering muscle seizures, complete loss of appetite and extreme dizziness when I’d stand. All I wanted to do was lie in bed and avoid moving.

Finally I got some assistance through Social Services. I was assigned a Social Worker who came to my house and helped me get a great living assistant named Richie who comes to my house now twice a week for cleaning and to do some cooking. She’s great and Polly loves her. My health has also gotten better and the fizzy spells which were really affecting me badly have stopped.

Unfortunately, my finances have been really horrible and that’s one reason I haven’t been able to have my computer fixed. I’m more concerned about having money for food and other living necessities. It’s something I worry about all the time and unfortunately causes me a great deal of stress.

Thanks so much for your concern. Please pray for me (or whatever you do) as I try to adjust to this new life I find myself living. I’ll try to keep you updated.