JESUS MADE ME PUKE

"Morgan told his story. Even a perfunctory look at my fellow group members told me that we had people here with some very serious problems, and yet Morgan's wound was a tale that wouldn't have even ruined a week of my relatively privileged childhood, much less my whole life — something about being yelled at by his dad while he was out playing with remote-controlled airplanes with his friends as a thirteen-year-old. He hammed up his trauma over the incident in classically lachrymose Iron John-in-touch-with-his-inner-boy fashion (again, there is something very odd about modern Christian men — although fiercely pro-military in their politics and prehistorically macho in their attitudes toward women's roles, on the level of day-to-day behavior they seem constantly ready to break out weeping like menopausal housewives), but his words were bouncing off a wall of unimpressed silence radiating from the group.

Blank stares. This was a tough crowd. Five minutes into our group acquaintance, we were at a full 9.5 out of 10 on the International Uncomfortable Silence scale.

Morgan turned, glanced again at my name tag and sighed.

"Well, uh, OK, then," he said. "Matthew, do you want to tell your story?"

My heart was pounding. I obviously couldn't use my real past — not only would it threaten my cover, but I was somewhat reluctant to expose anything like my real inner self to this ideologically unsettling process — but neither did I want to be trapped in a story too far from my own experience. What I settled on eventually was something that I thought was metaphorically similar to the truth about myself.

"Hello," I said, taking a deep breath. "My name is Matt. My father was an alcoholic circus clown who used to beat me with his oversize shoes."

Read the rest.

FONZUS CHRIST

UPDATE : Oops. Apparently this YouTube video was removed. Sorry. But it was funny, trust me.

Amen. Aiiiiiii.

BROTHERLY LOVE

William Baldwin on his brother Stephen Baldwin :

"When I talked to him about Sam Brownback, I said, “Do you know his position on civil rights? Do you know it on human rights? Do you know it on gay rights? Do you know his position on global warming? Protecting and defending the environment? Do you know his position on public education?” He was in Iowa campaigning for Sam Brownback and he could not answer; he hadn't read one position paper. He hides behind the Word and whenever you confront him he'll hide behind some verse. He'll say, “All that really matters to me is that the Lord said blah blah blah blah” and he'll fill in the blank. "

Hiding is such an apt word for people like this. What are you hiding? Do you think you can hide it from the God you profess to believe in?

More here.

LOLCATZ BIBLE

Boreded Ceiling Cat makinkgz Urf n stuffs

1 Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem.

2 Da Urfs no had shapez An haded dark face, An Ceiling Cat rode invisible bike over teh waterz.

3 At start, no has lyte. An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz.

4 An Ceiling Cat sawed teh lite, to seez stuffs, An splitted teh lite from dark but taht wuz ok cuz kittehs can see in teh dark An not tripz over nethin.

5 An Ceiling Cat sayed light Day An dark no Day. It were FURST!!!1

Full Bible here.

POLLY

Polly's Birthday was yesterday. Which means in dog years she's as old as me. Poor thing.

Unlike me, she is resiliant, forceful (barking at the streetcleaning trucks) and hopefull (always aware of breakfast). She is a hero in my small world.